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''An original poem in the style of Theodor Suess Geiselson<br />
by Raven Madelyn Stark (evil twin of Raven Qara ton)''

One skald, two skald,<br />
young skald, dead skald.<br />
This one wrote a mighty ode.<br />
This one took his ship and rowed.<br />
Say! What a long way he rowed!<br />
Yes, some are young and some are dead.<br />
Some are very seldom read.<br />
Some are sad. And some are glad.<br />
And some are very, very bad.<br />
Who was the saddest, baddest one?<br />
His name was Egil Skallagrim's son.<br />

Egil was a cranky one.<br />
He killed people just for fun!<br />
When Egil was a boy, his dad<br />
said, Never, ever make him mad.<br />
Egil did not like to lose<br />
And those who beat him got contused.<br />
The other boys let Egil win<br />
So that he would not do them in.<br />
Mom said, Our son is brave and true,<br />
But dad did not know _what_ to do.<br />
What will he ever do for work?<br />
Don't fret, said Mom he'll go berserk.<br />

Egil's brother Thorolfur<br />
Was handsomer than him by far.<br />
Egil and his brother fought<br />
They fought an awful, awful lot.<br />
Thorolfur would always say,<br />
I wish that you would go away.<br />
I do not like you, Skallagrimsson.<br />
I do not like what you have done.<br />
I think you really are a skunk<br />
And even worse when you are drunk!<br />
They fought and fought and fought and fought.<br />
The more they fought, the worse it got.<br />
...And when Egil and his brother fight<br />
It's called a nasty Norsky battle<br />
And when they battle in a hurry,<br />
it's a nasty hasty Norsky battle.<br />
And when nasty hasty Norskies battle<br />
with paddles in a murky puddle,<br />
They soon get in an awful muddle:<br />
A nasty hasty Norsky murky puddle paddle battle.<br />
And soon each other they are striking<br />
Til dad says, Time to go a'Viking!<br />

Egil liked his brother more<br />
When he saw what 'viking had in store.<br />
Egil burned some barns and farms.<br />
Farms with barns, sir! Barns on farms, sir!<br />
Did them very deadly harm, sir!<br />
Silly Egil had to learn<br />
_First_ you loot, and _then_ you burn.<br />
Egil sailed up and down<br />
Egil sailed round and round.<br />
Egil gathered loot in sacks, sir,<br />
racks of sacks and box of rocks,<br />
lots of pret-ty shiny rocks.<br />
Egil liked his box of rocks<br />
And closed it up with lots of locks.<br />

The brothers fought for the English king<br />
They thought this was a dandy thing.<br />
They fought the Scots, sir,<br />
Lots of Scots, sir,<br />
Lots and lots and lots of Scots, sir!<br />
But that day Egil's brother died<br />
And Egil cried and cried and cried<br />
(But first, he killed himself some Scots<br />
Lots and lots and lots more Scots!)<br />

One skald, two skald,<br />
young skald, dead skald.<br />
But look, sir, just what _is_ a skald?<br />
Is he someone somewhat bald?<br />
Skald he was, sir, bald he got, sir,<br />
He wrote ken-ning clever lines, sir.<br />
Rhymes with lines and lines with signs.<br />
Long-lined sing-song wing-ding rhymes.<br />
He liked lines with jigs and wobbles.<br />
He liked many syllabobbles.<br />
He could write a nifty verse<br />
He could write a nasty curse.<br />
He could tell a lengthy tale<br />
He could drink a _lot_ of ale.<br />
Tales of ale, sir, without fail, sir,<br />
Up until his ship set sail, sir.<br />

After Egil died, they found<br />
His big skull buried in the ground.<br />
Skapti took his mighty ax<br />
And gave the skull a couple whacks<br />
But after all, that helm's-rock skull<br />
Only made the ax get dull!<br />
Why was his skull so very crusty?<br />
Maybe because the ax was rusty?<br />

So now you've heard my tale of Egil<br />
As many rhymes as I can finagle.<br />
But you know what's very, very scary?<br />
I mean very, very, VERY SCARY?<br />
When the Norsemen heard the awful story<br />
Of Egil's deeds so grim and gory<br />
That I have told you of today<br />
They would clap their hands and say:<br />
Egil, son of Skallagrim:<br />
I want to grow up just like him! <br />